Thursday, 9 July 2009

How to Bake a Uterus

So yesterday was the big day.

My wonderful Aunt accompanied me and my beautiful boy yesterday. The Husband had to work even though his boss - who lost his wife to cancer 5 years ago - knew I was having this little operation. Perhaps it was a good thing; if The Husband was there he would have been very impatient and probably would have left to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes before I was taken into surgery. Then The Son would have started getting antsy and asking if they could go home.

I have to say my son was wonderful. I thought my surgery would be right at 7am. I didn't get rolled out until 8:50am. He didn't whine. There was a fold-up rocking chair in the room, just his size. He had his Sleepy Bear with him and he almost rocked himself to sleep. He had been up since 5am.

So I signed my paperwork and wasn't given any time to read it. If you're in Quebec and ask for your papers in English, no matter how many times, tough. Kind of pissed me off as this was the second time. So much for rights for anglophones.

When I was finally wheeled down to the waiting area in front of the operating room, it was cold. I pulled the little blanket up around me and hugged my arms - didn't want my nipples to poke right through everything.

The doctor came and spoke with me a little bit. Then the anethesiologist introduced himself, asked the usual questions - did you eat, did you drink. He asked if I had previous surgeries. When I told him I was given Demerol after my foot surgery I emphatically stated I DO NOT WANT Demerol. Bad. Very bad trip. Then I guess it was the head nurse who came up to me asked me to tell her in my own words if I understood what was going to happen. I told her "I'm going to barbeque my uterus." This made her laugh. A lot. (I can't take credit for that expression. I got it from another blogger who's blog spot is here. She's worth the read. Very funny.

So I get wheeled into the operating room. It was very bright, but still cold. I moved myself over to a slimmer stretcher. Then something heavenly happened - The nurses put a heated blanket on me. Ohhh, it was the most comforting thing and it did help me to relax that much more. But then the "arm wings" got pulled out. I said I hated these things because this reminds me of Dead Man Walking. This made the head nurse laugh even more. I had the blood pressure band on one arm, and they put the needle into my left hand. I decided not to look because they kept wiping my hand and slapping it. I laughed and said, "They're not coming up, are they" (meaning the veins). He said oh no, it's ok. I closed my eyes and while I asked God if Mémère or Higgins could just hold my hand and get me through this (because I am a total suck about this stuff), I heard the head nurse laugh about the barbeque comment again. Then I opened my eyes and saw the heart monitor as the assistant to the anethesiologist was pulling off those sticky things from my chest. It was over! And holy shit was I in pain! This pain equally matched the hell I went through 2 months ago. I was supposed to start my period yesterday, so maybe the pain was my uterus's last revenge. I remember people commenting about the amount of blood I still had coming out, so they kept me there for a little bit. When I think back, I wonder how they managed to do that kind of procedure on a stretcher - I guess they just hung my legs up and went into the great red yonder.

I was wheeled back upstairs. Now, my Aunt is a pro at hospital visits - she is constantly taking people to the hospital. She should start a business. About a minute after I was settled back into the room, she showed up with my son. She had taken him to McDonald's for breakfast (even though he already had breakfast), and she went to a store and bought him 2 cars. He was so happy.

I was extremely groggy and in a lot of pain. The nurse came in soon after and gave me a suppository to help with the pain.

When I got there in the morning, there was another woman beside me who was also getting a procedure done by the same doctor. Not sure if it was the uterus bbq. She went down first. I remember when I was wheeled in, her kids were there and someone else. She left soon after. Me? It took me a L-O-N-G time to even be able to sit up. Had the blood pressure band on, oxygen, and was hooked up to an IV of sterilized water. I was a little cold at first, so I was given an extra blanket. Eventually, I was too hot. I fell in and out of sleep. Moaned quite a bit. Every once in a while my son would wake me up and ask how I was feeling, if I was okay. Sometimes he waited until I woke up. Did my heart good to see this side of him. He was able to busy himself by learning how to manoeuver a wheelchair. So much for the toys he brought.

So I wasn't allowed to go until the anathesthetic wore off and they didn't want to give me anything for the pain, it would be better to take it at home. So my Aunt put my socks on for me and my shoes. I got to ride the wheelchair downstairs. Boy, did I feel like shit. We went to get my prescription - Empracet - it's 30mg of acetominaphen/300mg of codeine, neither of which works well for me. I have to take 4 per day. My Aunt dropped us off and my uncle followed with their car. He had a good laugh while I was walking. I did walk like a vieux Pépère.

I took my first Empracet. It felt lovely for about an hour and it made me feel sleepy. It was only 3:00 so The Husband wasn't going to be home for another 1h45m. I instructed my son not to answer the door to anybody unless it was someone we knew well. So I lay down and dozed off. When I woke up a little while later, I asked if Daddy was home. He had called and said he'd be another hour. This kind of ticked me off - he couldn't refuse overtime today? The Young and the Restless came on at 6 on a western station, so I missed part of it. I thought maybe The Husband was out getting me flowers and a nice cake. Yeah, right. He rolled in at 6:50pm. When he walked into the room and saw the look on my face he began to back away. Supposedly his boss decided he and another guy had to go on a course for something at 3pm. They were told it was only for an hour. It was for 3. I told him to tell his boss thank you very much from me. Ass. I wonder if he treated his wife like this when she had hospital appointments.

I had pizza and realized this may not have been a good thing. I wasn't sick, but I was very close. This Empracet gnaws at my stomach. I was up until about 11:00 because I had slept quite a bit. I ate something before going to bed, but I wondered if I was really hungry or if it was the gnawing that gave me the impression. Personally, I'd rather take the Naprox that was given to me for my cramps, but I won't because I don't want to mess anything up.

So this morning I woke up feeling like I could take on the world. Now - meh. Still crampy. Amazes me after all these years how badly my left hip hurts when I have cramps. It feels like either there's a bruise on the bone, or something has been chipped away. Anyone else get that feeling? The bleeding is very, very light. Made me laugh when the nurse on the 6th floor expressed concern about the amount of blood there still was. First time I went to the bathroom, I chuckled to myself - yes there was blood, but it was bright red, like a perfectly normal period. No dark red/brown saturated everywhere with clots. TMI? Oh yes, forgot to tell you - it burns when you pee but only on the first day.

I'm on vacation right now. Took the first 2 weeks of July off because I thought I would have this procedure done the week before. The doctor wrote the note for work that I would be off until the 20th. Good news - technically I've only taken 2 days of vacation. Bad news - less on my paycheque and it couldn't have happened at a worse time.

I have to make an appointment today with the doctor for a follow up in 8 weeks. Seems a little long to me. I think I'll drop off the insurance paper for him to fill out on Monday. I should be feeling better by then.

So if anyone is reading this right now and thinking about getting this cauterization done, check back in 8 weeks and I'll blog if it has worked for me.

Here is the website for the procedure I had:

Note - I was under general anesthetic, and it took about an hour.


  1. I hope that you are feeling better and this procedure works for you. I too had a terrible reaction to Demerol. When it wore off I felt almost suicidal which was a completely new and unexpected feeling for me. Never again.
    Big hug and kiss

  2. Thanks, twunty! Yesterday wasn't so bad. Today, feeling more rough. I guess that's to be expected.

    Yeah, Demerol made me feel like I was watching villians in the old Batman series - everything was crooked, and I felt so empty inside. Very scary, like I didn't have control over myself.

    Tomorrow night April Wine is in town, playing at the park. I don't know if I'll be up to hanging outside the perimeter, just listening in. I hope so! They're a great band (from the '70s too, so brings back fun memories).