Sometimes a bitch is just a bitch

So I began to think I was at least pre-menopausal. Since the beginning of this year I've had problems with my menstrual cycle. My little friend could visit me and decide to stay for almost a month at a time. Finally, I went to the doctor and she had me go to an ultrasound.

Went and the doctor thought he saw something unusual, but he kept telling me, "nothing to worry about!" I had a cyst on my left ovary - nothing new since I've had constant pain there since my 20s and I've always been told it isn't anything - and a thick dark line of something. He said it might be endometriosis.

I got a phone call from the doctor's office Friday before last to come in for this past Friday - my doctor wanted to go over the ultrasound. I have to admit, I was a little freaked. I thought to myself it was probably endometriosis, but my mind wandered over to C-word World. During the week I managed to put it out of my mind for long periods of time, but every once in a while I would think about it. I quickly realized I'm just not ready to hear that kind of thing. I also realized there are plenty of other women out there who aren't/weren't ready to hear that kind of news as well. Why would I be special? Why would I be spared and not them? I wondered if I really regretted anything in life, and would I suddenly try and have a relationship with my mother, and forgive another member of the family the faux pas she made. I figured I would be a hypocrite to run to my mother after all the shit she put me and my siblings through and not once has she admitted to me she made mistakes. As for the other - I could forgive, but I won't forget and I won't trust.

One thing about me - if someone hurts me and/or makes me lose respect for them, I walk away. No regrets. Some people may think it doesn't resolve things but, to an extent, it does for me.

This past Friday, my husband drove me to the doctor's. He came with me into the doctor's office. She laughed and wondered why is it every time she sits down to talk with her patients about the results they all think the same thing, and they always bring their spouse! Um, well ... people aren't used to talking with their doctors unless it's right after an examination. All she wanted to explain was that the thick dark line in the ultrasound was an unusual buildup of blood. There's no endometriosis, no cancer, nothing. She called what I had dysfunctional uterine bleeding. I have to take 3 months of Alesse and have another ultrasound in June. Hopefully, the pills will regulate my cycle and I'll return back to normal, or what my normal was before. If not, I'm going to get that procedure done where they stick a balloon inside and fill it up with liquid so that it bursts and burns out the lining of the uterus.

So I'm not pre-menopausal at all - my hormone levels are all normal and I'm a healthy person. Now I don't have an excuse to be bitchy, but I'm glad all my doctor wanted to be was thorough. I'm lucky to have a good doctor.